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I have been close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's often taken by surprise by others. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances vanished during that time, since they had been drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She made greater energy in our friendship, and must have grasped more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few close to her vanished without her being certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both stepped back from work leading to more time together, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she has firm beliefs. I try to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She has been organizing a trip to a country I have traveled to many times and lived in for some time. I attempted to offer personal experiences, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially solely sought validation of her choices. I have ended 30 days in that country she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she can comprehend the effect of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, I am in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation with a view to a solution takes courage and openness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing how things go in your conversations. It should be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute about this. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. Finally involves requesting how you are both will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for a set time."

This can be effective to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject your concerns, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version of their life they're unable to abandon since their identity relies on it and it represents they've known. This is difficult as there is no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might initially present this way then consider your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were honest with her.